Frustration.

I hate that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wish I knew how to tuck it away, & hide it. I hate catching feelings, and then being disappointed. Granted most of the time I can only blame myself, because I fall for the simple things. I enjoy the little things that happen, and then I think it's going somewhere, and I start to get so excited, only to know that "oh I don't want a girlfriend right now." Why get close to me, why lead me on, knowing that I am falling, and you aren't? I just don't understand why people play with each others feelings so freely, so easily. Is it exciting? Does it make you feel better? 

Another one, why do men ( & i'm not saying women don't do this, just explaining my situation) prefer to just have sex & not settle down? I understand men view women as difficult & all those other things, but I'm 25. At an age where I'm looking to get serious with someone so by the time I'm 30, i can start thinking family, and marriage. Yet, the men around me, or around people I know, just want to fuck. When people think of me, they say "damn, i just want to hit it." WHAT?! WHY!? Why can't i be more than just a hit? lol. That sounded funny, yet i'm being serious. Why doesn't anyone look at me as, "dang i wish i could get to know her & possibly settle down". Why are guys always saying "dang i just want to hit it."? 

I wish i could understand these things, it would definitely put my mind at ease. The way I view myself is I'm a hard working, independent, caring, loving individual. If we are serious together, I'd be there through it all. Support you through all the storms knowing that one day we will come out on top. Yes i can get a bit jealous, but that's because I care, not because I'm crazy. Then again, what woman doesn't have a little bit of jealousy in here somewhere?